Break Me Down
by Lizzey500
Summary: Degrassi fanfic! My very first3 Drama, love, brokenness, and all the other themes of the show are present in this crazy story of how all the students at Degrassi High are just trying to get by. Will they all make it or fail miserably in the end?
1. Chapter 1

Break Me Down

Chapter/Episode One: Unwelcome Memories

"Clare come on, I know you didn't mean it." Eli said, catching me outside after the last bell rang.

"Yes I did!" I snapped, narrowing my eyes at him. "Eli, you can't control me like that! You're completely taking advantage of my feelings for you."

"If you'd just let me explain, It'd all make sense." He insisted.

"I don't know." I replied, searching his face. "What difference would it even make?"

"Just give me a chance. Clare, please. How about the dot after school?" He suggested, his eyes hopeful.

"I just want space right now." I denied, trying not to be bothered by the hurt look in his eyes. "You said you loved me. If that's true, give me some room to breathe. Please?"

"Okay, I will. Just…one thing." He said, holding up a finger. I raised my eyebrow and he went on. "Promise you won't leave me."

"I can't make that promise right now." I insisted, resting my hands on his shoulders. "I'm not calling it off yet, okay? I need time to think." He nodded slowly and I kissed his cheek. "Thank you."

(Anya)

When I got into school, Fiona was by my locker, anxiously waiting to talk to me.

"Hey Fee, what's going on?" I asked as she stepped out of the way.

"Well, Holly J and I talked at the dance." She clued in, resting her head on the locker next to mine. "We're friends again. Now I just have to get over her…"

"It can't be that hard." I assured her, but the look in her eyes told me otherwise. "Look, closure's really hard, but not impossible. I got over Sav, didn't I?"

"Did you?" She challenged, a playful sparkle in her eyes. "Maybe someone else will capture my attention."

"I heard we're getting a new girl." Riley said, winking at me. "If your friend was wondering, I mean."

"This is SO your year, Fiona." I said, linking arms with her and grinning.

-intro credits

(Desirae)

"Why are you doing this?" My best friend Aimee demanded, crossing her arms over her chest.

"I need a fresh start, okay? A break from all the chaos." I clued in, fluffing my hair and grabbing my bags. "Even if it means wearing an ugly uniform."

"And you don't think there's chaos at Degrassi?" She challenged, raising an eyebrow. "Degrassi is the definition of chaos. Or did you forget what made them have to wear uniforms?"

"I thought you'd be supportive, Aim." I hissed, narrowing my eyes at her. "Come on, time for our first day."

"Right, because switching school's with you isn't supportive at all." She snapped, shooting me a look after we got into my car.

(Eli)

"So, I heard a new girl is joining our class." Adam said, grinning at me as we walked to class.

"Yeah, there's two. Big deal." I muttered, rolling my eyes.

"Big deal? This is just what I need! Now I'm not fresh meat anymore!" Adam went on animatedly.

"Great, that's awesome." I allowed, nodding and clenching my jaw as Fitz walked by, all smiles.

"Did I say something wrong? What's going on?" Adam questioned as we took a seat.

"Clare. I think I'm losing her." I explained through bared teeth, holding back emotions. "She'll let me explain, but not until she has 'space'."

"Maybe time apart can be good." Adam offered.

"Or destructive." I added with a forced smirk. Just then, the new girls came in. Lucky me, the only spots open were behind Adam and I. I took one bored glance and only saw a skirt and a flash of khakis before looking forward while Adam openly gawked.

"Dez?" He asked, eyes wide.

"You're kidding." One girl said, sitting down and running a hand anxiously through her hair while the other calmly sat beside her.

"How do you know him?" The calm one pondered as Adam turned around. The anxious one just ignored her. "Desirae how do you-"

"Aimee, shut up!" Desirae hissed as our teacher came forward.

-commercial

(Eli)

"Alright class, today we're going to begin a fun little writing project in pairs. Turn to the person behind you if you're in the first or third row and you'll be looking right at your new partners." The teacher instructed with a soft smile. I turned only to be facing Desirae, who somehow knew Adam. "Make your introductions if you don't know each other.

"I'm Desirae." She greeted with a shy smile. Her eyes remained anxious and something in me was just dying to know the mystery behind her.

"Eli." I replied with a half-smile. I spotted Clare across the room paired with some guy and she forced a smile.

"How do you know her?" Desirae asked, pulling me out of my trance. I gave her a questioning look and she only smiled. "That girl over there, how do you know her?"

"Long story." I answered with a sigh as the teacher dove back into our assignment.

"You'll each pick your favorite story genre and together combine them into one story. Minimum five pages typed-ten written. Today we'll just pick our genres and bounce ideas off each other. Sound good? Alright, why don't you get started?"

"Um, I pick romance." Desirae said, playing with her necklace.

"That was quick." I pointed out with a nervous laugh. "Um…I'm gonna have to say Thriller."

"Sweet, I've written romantic thrillers before." She agreed with a nod.

"You write?" I gaped.

"It's my life." She clued in with a smile.

"Wow. Our story is going to be amazing." I said with a grin. We spent the remainder of class bouncing ideas around and I didn't have a doubt in the world of her as my partner.

(Desirae)

"You and him seemed to hit it off." Aimee teased on our way out of the room.

"We both write, Aim." I pointed out, rolling my eyes as she grinned over at Adam. "What about you two, huh?"

"He's cute! And nice, funny…" She trailed off, noticing Drew just ahead of us and shutting right up.

"So yeah, nothing to worry about, babe. No new girls are going to take you-" He cut off, seeing me and swallowing hard. "Desirae?"

-commercial

"You've got to be kidding me." Some girl with curly hair beside him said, popping her gum.

"Drew, wow." I replied, at a complete loss for words.

"You're the new girls?" he asked, eyes wide. "Um, maybe we can fix what happened?"

"Great. You have a history with her?" The girl demanded.

"There's nothing to fix. You can't take back what you did." I snapped, walking past him and dragging Aimee with me.

(Drew)

"What was that all about?" Bianca demanded once Desirae and Aimee stormed off.

"She's my ex." I said, still blown away. "I haven't seen her since she moved after our nasty breakup."

"Oh yeah? Well, I hope it stays that way." She commented, curling a piece of hair around her finger. "I can fight dirty if I need to."

"We all know you're dirty, Bianca." Adam said, shooting her a look before turning to me. "Did you know about Dez coming back?"

"No, and I guess she's still mad at me." I replied, sighing and heading to class.

(Anya)

"Please tell me you're kidding!" I exclaimed to Holly J. "You MUST be."

"Nope, Fiona wasn't kidding when she said she'd move on." Holly J replied with a sarcastic smile. "I guess she likes brunettes after all."

"No! She can't like me. School just started back up!" I groaned, dumping my tray and leaning against the wall. "Again, tell me you're kidding!"

"Afraid not." Holly J denied with a smirk.

"Kidding about what?" Fiona asked innocently.

"Um…she's in love with Sav again." Holly J said, turning her gaze on me. "Shocking huh?"

"Holly J!" I exclaimed, wide-eyed. "No I'm not, I'm just…I was saying I've been thinking about us lately. How we were, you know? I'm totally over him!"

"Denial is the first step, sweetie." Fiona said with a soft smile. I cleared my throat, desperate for a subject change.

"So, have you seen the new girls yet? They seem totally nice!" Holly J commented, smoothly switching the subject.

"Yeah, so nice Drew and Adam are all over them." Fiona muttered, rolling her eyes.

(Aimee)

"Come on, just give me a chance!" Drew begged Desirae for the millionth time.

"Why don't you do me a favor and give me a chance to eat?" Desirae asked, raising an eyebrow expectantly at him.

"Only if you let me take back what happened." Drew bargained, sitting beside her and anxiously leaning forward. "I'm sorry, okay? There were better ways to handle what happened."

"And those weren't how you handled it. Look, somehow we ended up at the same school. It doesn't mean we can just start where we left off." Dez pointed out, calmly starting into her food.

"I'm not! I'm sorry, really." Drew went on, his expression completely genuine. This was not how I pictured him whenever Desirae talked about him…AT ALL. "Will you forgive me? Huh? Ever?"

"Ever?" She scoffed, glaring into his eyes. "Maybe before you result to groveling, you should learn what the word 'ever' actually means."

"Ouch." I commented to him as she gave up on eating and walked away. "What did you do to her?"

"Oh, like you don't know. You're her best friend." He muttered.

"All I know is you cheated. But, judging from how mad she is, there's a lot more to it than that." I clued in, raising my eyebrow skeptically.


	2. Chapter 2

Break Me Down

Chapter/Episode Two: Forgive and Forget, Right?

"Yeah, but I'd rather not go into it." Drew said, grabbing Desirae's stuff to take care of. "I just want her to forgive me."

"Then show her how sorry you are silly!" I said, nudging his side and spotting Adam across the cafeteria, grinning over at me.

"You're into my brother?" Drew asked with a smirk.

"Well, I wouldn't say that…" I trailed off, softly blushing.

"Why don't we help each other out?" He offered, eyes sparkling.

-intro credits

(Clare)

"I don't know why you even told him that!" Alli exclaimed, slapping my arm. "I thought you ended it."

"So did I, but when I got to thinking about it, I realized something." I argued, "He should at least have a chance to explain himself, right?"

"Wrong! He's crazy, Clare." She snapped, pausing as he walked by. "First that story and then crashing a car for you. What's next, huh? I don't think you want to wait and find out."

"Alli, you gave Drew another chance. So I'm giving Eli one." I said firmly as we stopped at the corner we usually part ways at. "I asked for space, and I'm getting it. We're off to a good start."

"Be careful, Clare." She warned with a sympathetic smile as I walked home. On my way I saw one of the new girls, Desirae.

"Hey, I'm Clare!" I greeted with a smile.

"Oh, hi. You're in my English, right?" She replied with a soft smile. "I noticed Eli looking at you today."

"Did he say anything?" I asked as we walked in step.

"No, only that it was a long story. I totally get that." She said, shrugging carelessly.

"You do?" I challenged curiously.

"Completely." She answered with a grin. "I'm a writer. So, I people watch a lot. The best writing comes from the most realistic characters and situations."

"I never thought of it that way." I admitted, watching her head for the house next door to mine. "You're my neighbor?"

"No, Aimee is. My car is at the school, I'm just grabbing her purse for her." She clued in, taking out a house key. "I'm over all the time."

"Then I bet we'll be friends." I replied with a smile and a wave. "See you tomorrow!"

-commercial

(Aimee)

"Why are you making me go to a movie?" Desirae groaned as we walked into the movie theater.

"Adam asked me to go and he told me to bring a friend." I replied innocently.

"Oh, look! There they are! Why don't you go meet them and I'll get popcorn?"

"Aimee!" She whined as I shoved her in their direction and went to the concession stand. I grinned and got popcorn and drinks, hoping she'd behave and Drew and I's plan would work out smoothly. I didn't even get over there before Dez came storming up to me.

"The other guy is Drew?" She demanded, completely fuming.

"It is?" I asked, eyes wide. "I had no idea!"

"I do. Let's leave." She suggested, biting her bottom lip.

"Dez, please don't ruin this for me." I begged, looking over at Adam. "I really want to get to know him."

"Fine, fine. I guess I'll take one for the team." She caved, walking with me to the boys. While she and Adam got tickets, Drew came up to me.

"How'd you get her to stay?" he asked, clearly amazed.

"I'm good at acting." I answered with a smirk.

"Well, keep it up. I think she'll actually give me the time of day now." He said, patting my arm and grabbing a hand full of popcorn.

(Anya)

"Maybe Drew and Adam are just being nice, Fiona." I pointed out. Her, Holly J and I were having drinks at The Dot.

"Or fighting over them like they did with me." She corrected, stabbing at her drink with a straw.

"Why are you acting so jealous?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at her.

"I don't think she's over Adam." Holly J teased.

"Even if I wasn't, Adam's over me." Fiona said with a sigh.

"I don't know, Fi." I commented, smiling softly and shrugging. Just then, Adam and Drew came in with Aimee and Desirae.

"Oh great." Fiona groaned.

(Desirae)

"Okay that movie was ridiculous." I said with a laugh as we all found a table to sit at.

"I'll admit, it was pretty bad." Drew agreed, pulling out my chair for me and sitting across from Adam.

"You could barely even follow the plot." Adam added, doing the same for Aimee. "I'll get us some drinks."

"Sounds good." Aimee said, smiling up at him.

"So Dez," Drew started anxiously. "I bet mom would love to see you again."

"Slow down." I interrupted, putting my hand up. "Let's fix our problems first, shall we?"

"Okay, I'm sorry for what I did. I really ruined what we had." He apologized, taking one of my hands in his. "If you'll forgive me, I'd love a second chance."

"Drew, you have a girlfriend now." I reminded, pulling my hand away. "A very jealous one, at that. Besides, even when I do forgive you, I'd be stupid to take you back."

"But what about the phrase 'forgive and forget'? Can't you do that/" He questioned, his gaze hurt and pleading.

"You have a lot of stuff to figure out before I 'forget' anything." I snapped, getting up and shooting Aimee an apologetic look before I left.


	3. Chapter 3

Break Me Down  
>ChapterEpisode Three: I Don't Care

(Aimee)

"Sorry Drew. You tried your best." I said to him after Desirae left. "Maybe you can sort things out later, like she said."

"No, what she said was I don't have a chance of even talking with her until I do. Then, I'll barely have a chance to fix it." Drew corrected irritably.

"Where's Dez? Did I miss something?" Adam asked, returning with four drinks.

"Whatever your brother did, it really ticked her off." I clued in.

-intro credits

(Anya)

"Wow, I didn't know he had a past with her." Fiona commented, looking to us in shock.

"You learn something new everyday I guess." Holly J said, looking curiously over at the table the remaining three were at.

"What is it?" I asked, following her gaze.

"How does one girl have a history and the other doesn't?" Holly J mused, pursing her lips thoughtfully and looking back at me. "Even new kids at Degrassi are complicated."

(Eli)

I sat quietly in the secret place me and Clare found last year and stared numbly at the broken picture frame of me and Julia, a bullet shaped hole covering a majority of her face in the picture. That damn gun ruined Clare and I, tore apart what we had. This was all her fault; Julia's. She's what always got in the way of me and Clare-ALWAYS. Now, she's barely even mine. I'm losing her and there's not a thing I can do about it. Clare was who I always talked to at times like this, so who do I turn to now? No one.

"I hate you!" I yelled, getting up and throwing the frame as far as I could. Afterwards, I stood there heavily breathing, my thoughts racing. Then, they abruptly turned to Desirae-the new girl, the writer. She held so much in her eyes, like all true writers. I swallowed hard and knew the only way I could vent without Clare; writing. So, I took out a notebook and pen and wrote my heart out.

(Drew)

When I got to school the next morning, Bianca was waiting angrily by my locker. Deciding I didn't want to deal with her right now, I ignored her and opened my locker.

"Where were you last night?" She demanded, slamming it shut. I sighed and entered the code again, opening my locker once more only to have it slammed shut again. "Drew, where were you?"

"Bianca, let me get my books." I said evenly, purposely avoiding her gaze.

"Not until you tell me!" She snapped.

"Why does it matter? We didn't have plans." I reminded.

"Because I heard that you and new girl did." She clued in.

"We had some stuff we needed to talk about, okay?" I filled in, meeting her gaze at last. "Now, can I open my locker?"

"Fine. While you're at it, you might want to consider why you actually went out with her. When you do, I'm waiting." She said, narrowing her eyes at me and strutting off.

(K.C.)

"Jenna, come on. You look great." I said, wrapping my arm around her and smiling timidly at all the people staring at us.

"I don't like having to leave our baby somewhere while we're at school! I feel like a bad parent." Jenna commented, looking up at me anxiously.

"Tons of parents do it, and the baby's life is going to be a lot better if we finish school." I encouraged.

"Yeah, I guess so." She agreed. "I just wish people would stop staring."

(Clare)

"Clare!" Eli called, spotting me coming up the sidewalk and jogging up to me. "Clare, I was writing last night because I couldn't talk to you. You won't believe how inspired I was!"

"That's good." I commented, nodding slowly and noticing the crazed look in his eyes. "Are you okay?"

"Great! Who knew writing was such an outlet?" He replied, grabbing a stack of papers out of his bag. "Do you want to read it?"

"Eli, wow." I breathed, taking the stack and thumbing through it. "You wrote all this last night?"

"Yeah, I stayed up all night…couldn't sleep. I wrote in our spot we found by the light of the stars." He explained, half-smiling at me. "Will you read it?"

"I will." I vowed, smiling softly at him and brushing past. "I'll even edit it."

-commercial

(Desirae)

"Okay, so today we're forming characters and plot. Any ideas?" I asked, looking quizzically at Eli. There was a twinkle in his eyes today I couldn't miss.

"Well, I was actually thinking about that." He commented, half-smiling and leaning forward. "It's a romance, right? And the typical thing with those is one couple, forbidden love, all of that. That, or a love triangle. We should mix it up."

"How do you propose we do that?" I pressed, intrigues by his passion.

"You've heard of Romeo and Juliet, I'm sure. What if we spin off of it? Like, forbidden love with an edge. Not just one couple, either. Two or three." He explained excitedly.

"And none of them are with the right person." I added, immediately embracing the idea.

"Exactly. Then, the thrill." He went on, eyes sparkling. "They're escaping from something, someone maybe."

"I like it." I complimented with a broad smile. "It's unique."

"A writer's dream. We crave unique, do we not?" He agreed, sitting up and smiling as I got out a notebook and pen.

(Adam)

"Sorry, I'm not familiar with this writing stuff." I apologized to Aimee as the bell rang at the end of class.

"Oh, don't worry. Our story will be good." She encouraged, looking at Eli and Dez and letting out a soft laugh. "Not everyone is like those two."

"Tell me about it. They are both huge fans of writing…and each other from what I've seen." I joked as we walked out into the hallway.

"Hey Adam." Fiona greeted, seeming to appear out of nowhere.

"Um…hi." I replied, trying to force a smile. "Are you lost?"

"If I was, I hope you'd be the one to find me." She flirted, giving Aimee a bored onceover before turning around.

"You didn't tell me you had a girlfriend." Aimee said, a hurt look appearing in her blue/green eyes.

"I didn't." I said, looking meaningfully into her eyes. "Fiona's just an ex. I promise."

(Holly J)

"That is the worst plan I've ever heard." I said, shooting Fiona a look as she played with her lunch.

"But maybe it will work!" Fi argued, looking up at me sadly. "Holly J, I don't even think she _knows_."

"And how would she? They just met! You're completely overreacting." I scolded.

"Anya?" Fiona asked, looking to her for backup.

"Holly J is right, hun." Anya said, giving me a look. "If anything happens, it won't be for a little while anyway."

"When it does, I'm breaking them up." Fiona said defiantly.

"I don't know how else to say this, Fi." I said sternly, "I thought you were a lesbian."

"I am!" She squealed, her cheeks turning a bright pink. "But, Adam IS a girl."

"No, he's not." I argued. "Everyone knows he's a guy in a girl body."

"I don't think this is really about Adam." Anya said, looking over at Fiona. "I think it's about Aimee."

(Desirae)

"Please talk to me." Drew begged, following me out the door once school was out.

"You have ten seconds." I replied, ready to get it over with. He lead me to a bench and I sat beside him, watching him think. "Well?"

"Okay, I've said it before but this time I mean it. I'm sorry, Dez. If you want reasons why, I'll even give you reasons why." He said, his eyes vulnerable; I didn't buy it whatsoever.

"I don't care, okay?" I snapped, getting up and looking him right in the eyes. "I know how sorry you are. What I don't know is why you even did it to start with."


	4. Chapter 4

Break Me Down

Chapter/Episode Four: Reinventing Your Exit

(Clare)

"Eli, this story was beautiful. I hung onto every word." I complimented, handing the stack back to him. "It also helped me decide about us…"

"What did you decide?" He asked, stuffing the papers in his bag and anxiously looking into my eyes.

"Eli, the feeling you used to give me was like the beginning of this story; beautiful. I hung onto your every word and action." I started, pausing to sigh. "But, now? Now it's not like that anymore. You cling and manipulate me and…I'm scared."

"But aren't people the most afraid of the best love?" Eli argued.

"This isn't like that, okay? The story only confirmed it. We aren't meant to be together, we just aren't." I finished, watching the emotions flow through his eyes. "I'm sorry, Eli."

"Sorry? For breaking up or being with me in the first place?" He demanded, getting up and storming away. My heart told me to follow him, but my body wouldn't listen.

(K.C.)

"Alright, the baby's yours tonight." Jenna said, wiping her forehead and smiling at me.

"You sure?" I asked anxiously. "You barely let me have him for the night."

"How will you learn if I never let you?" She pointed out, grabbing her purse. "Tell your mom I said hi."

"Why don't you move in?" I suggested, standing and taking her hands in mine. "Then you wouldn't need to keep moving back and forth so much."

"K.C., I can't!" Jenna insisted, biting her bottom lip. "Not right now, anyway. There's enough rumors about us already. Why add to them?"

"For once the rumors are true!" I argued, "So what, we had a baby! We're a family now, Jenna. There's nothing bad about it!"

"Have you thought about me at all?" She demanded, putting a hand on her hip. "Moving in with you would make me look terrible."

"Then let's get our own place! Nothing bad about that, right?" I reasoned.

"K.C. you don't even have a job!" She exclaimed, kissing my cheek and grabbing her keys. "Calm down on the moving stuff, okay?"

-intro credits

(Desirae)

"Okay Aimee, I gotta get home." I said after we'd finished our Wednesday Chinese takeout and a movie. "I gotta call Zoey back anyway."

"Let me know if everything's alright." Aimee replied, looking out the window beside her. "Woah, it's starting to get bad out there."

"I'll drive safe." I vowed, rolling my eyes and grabbing my purse. "See you tomorrow."

Once I was in my car, I called Zoey and started the drive across town to my house.

'Hello?'

'Hey Zo, you called earlier?'

'Yeah, I need to tell you something…'

'Is everything okay?'

'Not really.'

'Why not?'

'My house burnt down, Dez. I have nowhere to go!'

'Did everyone make it?'

'I…no, just me…I don't want to live with Dad, Linda, and Avery. I wouldn't be able to handle it.'

'Then live with me or Aimee.'

'I wouldn't barge in like that.'

'It's us or your dad, Zoey.'

'I'll think it over. Call you back later?'

'Sure.'

When I got off the phone, my mind was completely chaotic. Poor Zoey. She's my cousin, and we've known each other and been really close since birth. She lives about two hours away. I just can't believe her whole immediate family is gone but her-it just won't sink in. When I got out of my car, it was raining pretty heavily. I pulled up my hood and jogged up the porch and in through the front door, teeth chattering.

-commercial

(Aimee)

"Wow, I can't believe it." Drew said, a sympathetic look in his eyes. "I knew Zoey before when me and Dez were together."

"Yeah, she's moving in with her this weekend, but I wasn't supposed to tell you." I admitted.

"It wasn't like she planned on letting me know." Drew muttered, "How's she handling it?"

"It hasn't set in yet, so I'd be careful if you want to be there for her. Any little thing could set her off right now." I warned, walking away to meet Adam.

(Desirae)

"Okay, so for our story I was thinking maybe Caden and Diane could start to realize their feelings for each other." I commented, looking up from my notebook at Eli. "What do you think?"

"Why does Diane overreact so bad to Manning?" Eli asked, his eyes distant. "Or Lottie and Caden. They're just all letting go of each other so easily. Then, when they're finally with the right person, what if that doesn't work, huh? What then?"

"Well they'd-" I started.

"They'd be a lost cause. You lose your 'soul mate', you might as well just give up." He finished, white knuckling the desk.

"Maybe they aren't their soul mate after all." I offered, searching his face. "Are you okay?" He just clenched his jaw in response, his eyes more distant. "It's that Clare girl, isn't it?"

"I've known you four days, Desirae." Eli said, letting out a shaky breath. "How can you already read me so well? And don't say it's because you're a writer."

"I don't know." I admitted, looking down thoughtfully at the notebook. But, a part of me wants to know everything about him, and it just doesn't make sense. I barely know him. "So, Caden and Diane?"

"Caden and Diane." He agreed with a half-smile.


	5. Chapter 5

Break Me Down

Chapter/Episode Five: Not Just A Pretty Face

(Anya)

"Oh great, now there's three of them." Fiona groaned, moving her glass around in irritation.

"Hey, come on. We don't know anything about them yet." Holly J said, shooting Fi a look.

"Right. Let's get to know them before we hate them." I agreed, looking at the new girl with Desirae and Aimee. She had short dark brown hair and dark blue eyes. Plus, she was really pretty.

-intro credits

(Desirae)

"Okay, I'm starting to get lost in this sea of boxes you've got going on, Zoey." I commented, maneuvering my way into our room. "Where are you going to put all of this?"

"I was hoping you could help me with that." She admitted, stepping back and taking a deep breath.

"I have NO idea." I said, chuckling and looking around. "I think we both need to get rid of some stuff."

"For sure." She agreed, pulling her hair back into a short ponytail. "Let's get to work, Dez!"

I rolled my eyes and set off to start looking through my stuff while she started in on hers.

"You ready for school tomorrow?" I asked while I went through my pretty much 'junk' drawers.

"I'm not sure how I feel about it yet." She replied, tossing some extra stuff to the side. "Is it as dramatic as people say?"

"For me, yeah. For Aimee, not so much." I clue in, fading a shirt that didn't fit me anymore. "Drew and Adam go to Degrassi."

"NO way!" She gaped, dropping the purse she was holding. "Is that why it's been dramatic for you?"

"That's exactly why. Drew keeps trying to ask for my forgiveness." I groaned, "But I'm not going to just forgive him like that. He needs to show me he actually means it. Is that asking too much?"

"Not at all." She agreed, picking the purse back up and looking it over.

(Eli)

"I'm going for a walk." I announced, shutting the door to my room and heaving a sigh. Since the breakup, my hoarding has come up again. My writing is an outlet now, along with hoarding. I don't know why I thought Clare could change me, could make me into a better person. I was wrong. Because of Julia and her lasting impact, I lost Clare. All these thoughts kept racing through my mind as I walked, no specific destination in mind. When I glanced up a moment, the sight I saw brought me instantly back to reality. Desirae and a girl I'd never seen before were moving broken-down boxes out to the curb.

"Eli?" Desirae asked in shock as I approached what I guessed was her driveway.

"Hey Desirae." I greeted, half-smiling and looking her over. "Nice outfit." She blushed and looked to her friend for support. They were both wearing short shorts; Desirae had on a black halter and the other girl was wearing a tied up t-shirt.

"Oh, we've been moving Zoey in since Friday." Desirae clued in, smiling anxiously at me. "She's my cousin."

"So this is Zoey, your cousin?" I teased, looking to Zoey and smiling. "What brings her here?"

"My house burned down." Zoey clued in with a timid smile. "Only I lived."

"Wow, that's tough." I commented, amazed at her strength.

"Yeah, none of it seems _real_ to me yet though." Zoey said, shrugging and offering me her hand. "Anyway, nice to meet you, Eli."

"No problem." I replied, half-smiling and looking back at Desirae. "See you tomorrow?"

"Yep! You'll see her to." Desirae answered, gesturing towards Zoey again. "It's her first day."

"Heh, I hope she's ready." I said, looking meaningfully at Desirae. "I'll see you tomorrow."

-commercial

(Aimee)

"Big day today, Zoey." I teased as we were heading out the door of my house.

"Don't remind me! I'm already nervous." Zoey whined, getting in the back of Dez's car.

"You get to meet Adam!" I cooed, getting in the passenger's seat.

"Um, Aimee? I already know Drew and Adam, remember?" I reminded, rolling my eyes and smiling. "I think someone has a crush."

"Maybe." I allowed, blushing and searching for a way to change the focus. "So does Dezzy over here!"

"Hey Clare!" Desirae called before she got in and started the car.

"Who, Eli? I know! He came up to her driveway yesterday and they are SO into each other." Zoey informed with a grin.

"What are you two talking about?" Desirae asked.

"I know, right? They're writing a story together, too." I added.

"What?" Zoey gaped.

"It's for class." Desirae snapped, her face flushing.

"Oh, so what? I bet there'll be many more to come." I teased, "You should go for it."

"Are you insane? Him and Clare JUST broke up." She argued.

"The Clare you were just being all nice with?" Zoey inquired.

"Is there something wrong with being nice?" Dez pressed.

"Yeah!" Me and Zoey replied in unison.

"Hello? She's your competition!" Zoey exclaimed as Desirae parked and we all got out.

(Drew)

"Alright, confident. Confident and caring, no begging stuff." I said to myself as I prepared to talk to Desirae.

"Really dude? Talking to yourself won't get Dez back." Adam said, cupping my shoulder and chuckling.

"Who said I wanted her back?" I asked, shooting him a look.

"You." He replied with a smirk. "Look at you, how you're acting. Think about it. Dez is who you wanted all along, from the very beginning."

"But what about Bianca? I want her." I pressed.

"What about her? Everyone wants her pretty much. But, really. Nice girl or not, she's not the girl you want." Adam pointed out, patting my back and walking away to meet Aimee just as Dez and Zoey were walking right towards me.

"Hey Zoey, good to see you." I said, smiling at her. "What brings you to Degrassi?"

"Not you, that's for sure." Desirae snapped.

"My house burnt down, Drew. Only I lived." Zoey filled in with a small smile.

"See? Dez, you can be civil." I teased, looking into her eyes. "I can be civil."

"Okay, Drew. Clearly you're sorry." Desirae commented, putting her hands on her hips. "Just prove it, okay?"

"Thanks, Dez. Really." I said, unable to hide my grin as the tardy bell rang. "Oh, we're late. I'm sorry."

"You aren't off to a good start." Dez snapped, but the twinkle in her eyes made me know she was finally on her way to forgiving me.

"Let's get our late slips I guess." Zoey said, looking around warily. "Where do we go to do that?"

"Come on, I'll show you." I invited, smiling at Dez and leading the way.

(Eli)

"I know they're here. I swore I just saw them." I said, tapping my pen impatiently on the desk. "Aimee, she's here, isn't she?"

"Calm down, lover boy. Last I saw, she and Zoey were talking to Drew. He probably just made her late." Aimee clued in, rolling her eyes.

"Drew?" I repeated, raising an eyebrow.

"In case you haven't noticed, those two have a history." Adam clarified. "A dead one, really. I think, anyway. Does she still like him?"

"Have you SEEN her with him? I think she'd rather not go down that road again." Aimee scoffed.

"So…history or no history? I'm not following." I pressed.

"Drew is her ex. He messed up and wants to fix it, but she's still mad. He wants her back, she doesn't. It's like a bad movie or something." Adam explained.

"It's like Diane and Manning." I realized with a half-smile.

"Who?" They asked in unison as a gunshot went off outside, followed by a scream.

-commercial

"Everyone stay calm, I'm calling the office." The teacher said, running over to her phone.

"You don't think it's…" Adam trailed off, looking over at me. "No, it can't be."

Just then, I made a crazy decision. I stood and rushed out the door. Why, I'm not sure. But something in me wanted to protect whoever that scream belonged to.


	6. Chapter 6

Break Me Down

Chapter/Episode Six: Not Just A Pretty Face

(Drew)

"It's across the school, Drew." Dez said, catching up to me. "You don't have to lead the whole way."

"Just call me tour guide Drew." I joked, winking at her as she went back into step with Zoey. We walked on a little more, joking and not being hostile for once when we heard running down the hall.

"What's going on?" Desirae asked, coming up and hugging my arm as the running grew closer, "Drew, what is that?"

Just then, a guy with a crazed look in his eye came into view. He looked around thirty and held a gun in one hand. He had a rugged stubble, messy hair, and dirty clothes. He smelled of beer, smoke, and body odor.

"Where's Zoey?" He demanded, coming closer and raising his gun. "Where is she?"

"I-I don't know who that is." I replied, slyly moving Desirae behind me.

"Yes you do! I see it in your eyes, kid." The man scowled, "Where is she?"

"I don't know her." I repeated, swallowing hard.

"Liar!" He yelled, firing the gun. The next thing I remember is a bullet hitting my shoulder and falling to the ground.

"Drew!" Dez yelled. Her voice sounded so distant…

-intro credits

(Desirae)

"Don't move!" The man yelled, pointing the gun at me. "Get up!"

Numbly I stood by Zoey, taking her hand in mine. The fear in her eyes made it evident that she had no clue who this man was.

"Where's Zoey?" He demanded. My mind searched for an answer, somewhere no one would be right now-the gym. Everyone's outside this week.

"Where?" He asked, I pointed right and he narrowed his eyes at me. "Show me. Both of you."

"Wait!" Zoey yelled, squeezing my hand. "I have to pee."

"Alright, go. She can show me." The guy reasoned.

"No, I don't know where it is. It's my first day." Zoey argued, perfectly portraying cute and innocent. I doubted her sanity when she started leading us the wrong way. Then, I saw Eli at the top of the stairs.

"It's up these stairs, you can wait down here." I said, sounding confident.

"Hurry." The man barked. We rushed up the stairs and Eli moved Zoey behind him before holding my shoulders and looking into my eyes meaningfully.

"Please tell me you have a plan." He whispered, looking over at Zoey a moment before returning his gaze to me.

"I'm still working on that part." I admitted, biting my lower lip. "Drew's hurt."

"Look, I know you're scared but we need to be smart about this." He said. "I say we get rid of the psycho and then help Drew. We don't need any more battle wounds."

"So what do we do?" Zoey asked anxiously.

"I get his gun, you call 9-1-1, and Dez goes to the office." Eli said, an expression on his face I couldn't understand.

"Okay?" He asked, searching my face.

"What if it doesn't work?" I pressed.

"Sh, it will. I'll be careful. Don't worry about me. I'm only here because I heard you scream." He explained.

"You-" I started, but then he cut me off with a kiss.

"In case I don't make it." He whispered, half-smiling at me before jogging down the stairs.

"I called." Zoey commented once I went over to meet her. "And, you have that look!"

"Shut up!" I hissed, starting for the office with her when we were both pulled into a classroom. "What's going on?"

"Are there any other people out t here?" A girl with long curly brown hair asked.

"Yeah. Don't you know what happened?" Zoey questioned, raising an eyebrow at her.

"You were the only ones out there." The girl replied as I heard a thud outside and rushed out.

-commercial

"Eli?" I whispered, peeking around the corner. Sure enough, there he was carrying Drew down the hallway. "What happened?"

"Zoey did good-the cops were right on time. Bad news is, psycho disappeared and is still in the school. So, we're pretty much on lockdown." Eli clued in, coming up to me and half-smiling. "Any hiding place you have in mind after we get this guy to the nurse?"

(Zoey)

"I don't think I've seen you here before, I'm Fiona." The curly-haired girl introduced. I noticed there was no teacher and we were in what seemed to be the drama room.

"I'm Zoey." I replied, smiling at the other few in the room. A few guys in the corner checked me out and nudged each other.

"What brings you here? I'm Holly J." A red-headed girl asked.

"My house burnt down." I said, sparing the part about only me living. The sympathy was starting to wear me out.

"That's horrible!" Fiona exclaimed with a pout.

"It hasn't sunk in yet." I denied with a shrug.

"Not at all? I'm Anya." A pretty brown haired girl challenged.

"Not at all." I agreed.

"So new girl, you got a boyfriend?" one of the guys in the corner inquired, winking at me.

"No, do you?" I challenged, looking expectantly at him.

"Wow, she's a feisty one." Another guy noted, making a kissing face at me.

"Save it, perverts aren't my type." I snapped, looking back at Fiona, Holly J, and Anya. "Are they like that with all the girls?"

"Depends on the day." Holly J clued in, rolling her eyes.

-commercial

(Desirae)

"What look were you talking about earlier?" I asked Zoey. We were laying in bed and the thought was keeping me awake.

"What?" She yawned, rolling over and facing me.

"After Eli went downstairs you said I had a look." I elaborated.

"Oh," She mumbled, hugging a nearby pillow and looking up at me. "The just been kissed look!"

"You just made that up." I insisted, looking doubtfully at her.

"No I'm not! There's a look." She argued. "He kissed you, didn't he?"

"Yeah…" I trailed off, biting my bottom lip.

"What do you think it means as far as you two go?" She challenged.

"I'm not really sure. Because like, he and Clare just broke up." I reminded.

"You don't wanna be the rebound." She implied, nodding slowly. "I say, talk to him maybe. Or just kinda wait and see how he wants to deal with it.

"I guess." I agreed, playing with the edge of the blanket. "Was you first day okay?"

"More like insane." She corrected with a soft laugh. "I met some nice girls and a few pervs."

"Oh, those are also fun." I scoffed, getting comfortable. "Once it all calms down, I think you'll like it. I do so far."

(Zoey)

"Hey cutie!" One of the guys from yesterday called as I was grabbing my books out of my locker.

"I have a name, and that's not it." I snapped, slamming my locker shut and glaring at him.

"I like that fire of yours." He said, winking at me and turning down another hallway.

"Don't listen to him, he's just overly desperate." A darker skinned girl said, smiling at me. "You must be Zoey, I'm Alli."

"Nice to meet you." I answered, trying to hide my shock. "How did you know about me?"

"Word goes around pretty fast here, good and bad. It takes some getting used to." She clued in, walking with me to class. "It helps is you have friends you can trust."

"I have Aimee and Dez." I offered, "Have you met them?"

"I have them in a few classes, no formal introductions yet." She replied, finding us desks.

"Hey Zoey, I like your skirt today." A random guy in the corner said.

"Same uniform as yesterday." I clued in, rolling my eyes and looking at Ali. "This is ridiculous. I'm more than just a pretty face, you know."


	7. Chapter 7

Break Me Down

Chapter/Episode Seven: Keep Holing On

(Desirae)

"Hey you, how's our story coming?" Eli asked, half-smiling at me.

"Awesome. It's going great. And, it's your day to write." I reminded, pushing the notebook towards him.

"Sweet, I have some ideas." He replied, his eyes sparkling as I grabbed the character profiles to work on. He wrote like crazy for awhile until he finally looked up at me. "Dez, I wanna talk to you. Really talk; about yesterday."

"When do you plan on having this talk?" I challenged, pointedly looking around. "Here isn't the best place."

"Lunch maybe?" He suggested, his eyes troubled.

"I don't see why not." I agreed, smiling and looking at the notebook. "Are we almost to the typing stage on our story?"

"Almost." He repeated with a half-smile.

-intro credits

(Clare)

"I don't understand, Alli." I commented, looking across the cafeteria at Eli and Desirae. "I broke up with him a week ago."

"Don't tell me you're regretting it." She said, shooting me a look and looking at them as well. "They're just talking.'

"But they have a connection. Can't you see that?" I insisted.

"Why is it bothering you so much? You and him are done. Remember?" She questioned.

"That doesn't mean my feelings are." I muttered, watching him flash her a smile.

(Zoey)

"Okay, this boy train you have going on is starting to make me jealous." Aimee commented.

"You can have them." I scoffed, picking at my peanut butter sandwich. "I turn them down every time. You'd think eventually they would get the point."

"Some guys like playing hard to get." She reminded, smiling at Adam.

"Not yours." I joked with a smirk.

"Zoey, he might hear you!" She scolded, her cheeks hot. "And he's NOT mine!"

"Yet." I added with a knowing smile as Adam approached. "Adam! Aim was just talking about you."

"Oh really?" He inquired, grinning at Aimee as she blushed deeper.

"I'm gonna get more water." Aimee announced, flaring playfully at me and walking off.

"Does she know about you?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at Adam. "If this is going somewhere, she needs to know."

"In time I'll tell her, okay?" He replied, heaving a sigh. "I hope it doesn't ruin my chances."

(Sav)

"Do you know the new girl?" I asked Drew during a break in one of our frequent jam sessions.

"Which one?" He replied, playing with a drumstick. "I know two out of three."

"The newest one, that the guys won't lay off of." I added, stifling a groan. She's clearly not interested in them.

"Zoey? I know her. She lives with Dez, the short pretty one." Drew clued in, smiling at the mere mention of her name. "Desirae's my ex, Zoey's her cousin. The other one, Aimee, is her best friend."

"How do you date a girl and not know her best friend?" I teased.

"I have NO idea." He admitted with a shrug.

"I guess it's nice, having new girls around." I commented idly tightening a string on my guitar. "Since Holly J and Anya, I'm ready for something else. Someone else."

"Would that be Zoey?" Drew asked with a smirk.

"Hey, you never know." I said, clearing my throat and looking away. "Let's get back to music, shall we?"

(Desirae)

"See you tomorrow, Eli!" I called, walking down the steps and waving before heading towards my car.

"Dez, wait." Eli said, jogging up to me. I paused and turned, patiently waiting for whatever he wanted to say. "I want to show you somewhere."

"Oh," I breathed, biting my bottom lip and looking back at the steps. "I need to take Aimee and Zoey home."

"I don't see them anywhere." He pointed out with a half-smile.

"Where is it?" I asked.

"Don't you think telling you would spoil the surprise of it all?" He teased.

"Well, I guess this secret place of yours will have to wait then." I replied with a playful smile.

"Um, can we please not talk about each other's secret places?" Aimee joked, tossing her stuff in my car. "Where's Zoey?"

"Who knows." I answered, lost in Eli's eyes for at least the tenth time today. Unwillingly, I turned my gaze on Aimee. "So you lost her?"

"Don't blame this on me. I never 'found' her." She clued in, checking her phone. "I'll go look."

"Hey, we could finish the writing stage on our story." Eli coaxed, his eyes hopeful.

"You really wanna show me this place, don't you?" I teased.

"Look, it's crazy after only a week and a half, but you get me. You so get me." He explained, his eyes full of emotion. "Quite honestly, it's insane how much we connect."

"How does this little place of your relate?" I pressed.

"You'd understand it. Like Cl-someone else evidently didn't." He added, taking my hand in his. "We'll take your car and be back before you know it, I promise."

"Okay," I caved, texting Aimee and getting in the passenger's seat. "Can I trust you to drive my car?"

"Like I haven't drove before." He pointed out, rolling his eyes and smiling.

(Zoey)

"See you later, Alli." I said, waving at her and opening my locker to grab my bag.

"Yep!" She replied, strutting off. I could tell we'd be friends-she was really nice and outspoken.

"Hey feisty." An all too familiar male voice said from behind my locker door. "Want a ride home?"

"No thanks, sugar daddy." I sneered, slamming my locker and narrowing my eyes at him.

"There's that fire again." He commented, checking me out and smiling slowly. "All that's goin' to waste if you won't share it with anyone."

"I'm not about to 'share' any of it with you, okay? It's about time you got the point." I snapped, trying to walk around him.

"No, YOU don't get it." He growled, grabbing me by the arm and throwing me against the lockers before grabbing my chin and forcing me to look at him. "When I see something I want, I make sure I get it. Got it, feisty?"

I wanted to do something, anything, but I couldn't move-I could barely breathe. It felt like my chest was caving in.

"Answer me!" He yelled, slapping me across the face. I involuntarily yelped in pain and he answered the scream with a blow to the stomach. I doubled over in pain, only to be jerked back up again.

"What are you doing?" Someone demanded from down the hall. While the guy turned to see who it was, I slipped out of his grasp and into the next hall, clutching my stomach and sitting with my back to the wall. All I could hear was yelling and the sound of someone being thrown against something.

(Drew)

"Dude, go see if she's okay. I'll get this jerk out of her and to Mr. Simpson's office." Sav instructed, pulling Owen up and dragging him off. I rushed to the next hallway, where I found Zoey sitting against the wall, a handprint on her face and clutching her stomach.

"Zoey, are you okay?" I asked, rushing to her side.

"Why do the creeps always like me?" She groaned, looking up at me with pained eyes.

"Hey, every school has creeps." I reminded, smiling gently. "Come on, why don't we find Aimee and Dez?"

"Why?" She mumbled, her eyes tearing up. "How can I avoid him? I have to see him every day…"

"Hey, it gets better. Keep holding on." I encouraged.


	8. Chapter 8

Break Me Down

Chapter/Episode Eight: Everybody's Fool

(Dez)

"Alright, where are we?" I asked, trying to move Eli's hands from my eyes as he guided me forward.

"Hang on, almost there…" He trailed off, maneuvering us around something before stopping and heaving a sigh. "It's…intense. I'll admit."

"I can handle it." I reminded, placing my hands over his. "I get you, remember?"

"I just hope you get this." He commented, lowering his hands and holding his breath, eyes glued on me.

The sight around me was broken, yet beautiful. Remnants of him and 'Julia' were everywhere, along with the occasional garbage and an abandoned bonfire area.

"Who's Julia?" I asked, exploring the place even further. I saw an old picture in the grass, a bullet-shaped hole in a girl's face that wasn't Clare. "This must be her…"

"She…I was with her before I ever met Clare." He replied, clearly holding back something more.

"Nasty breakup?" I guessed.

"Very." He answered numbly, coming up behind me. "I messed up, Desirae. I messed everything up and I can't take any of it back."

"I think I know what you mean." I said, looking back at the picture. "You loved and lost forever with her, I've had my first love die, too." I paused then, letting out a shaky breath. "When Lucas died, he made me promise him three things…I've broken every one at least once. You just feel so hopeless when you fail them like that."

"Then when you try and move on, they constantly get in the way, all those memories just take over your mind." He added, looking into my eyes a long moment. "Dez, we've got to get over them."

"Even if it kills us." I agreed with a slow nod.

-intro credits

(Drew)

"Thanks so much for what you did, Drew." Zoey said, wiping her eyes while we looked for Aimee.

"Sure thing, but I only made sure you were okay. Sav was the one that beat up Owen." I clued in.

"Sav?" She asked, raising an eyebrow. "I don't even know who that is."

"Well, you will soon." I replied, seeing him coming down the hall, "Sav, this is Zoey."

"Nice to meet you." He greeted, eyes bright.

"Yeah, you to." Zo replied, blushing lightly. "Thanks for saving me."

"No one deserves to have a creep all over them like that." He pointed out, grinning at her and walking away. A few halls over, I heard Aimee talking aimlessly to herself.

"Come on, you. Let's get you home." I said, pulling Zoey out of her Sav-induced daze.

(Aimee)

"Of course everyone thinks you and him are a thing. But, you aren't yet. Remember?" I babbled, shaking my head and looking around for any sight of Zoey. "Then why do you want to be with him, like all of them think you are?"

"Sorry to interrupt, but I found Zoey." Drew announced, trying his best not to laugh. I took note of the redness of her face and raised an eyebrow.

"Zo, what happened?" I asked.

"Owen happened." Drew replied grimly.

"Who?" I pressed.

"A creep. Luckily, Sav and Drew saved me." Zoey elaborated.

"I just made sure she was okay." Drew corrected.

"Holy shit!" I gaped.

"Stop, I don't want to re-live it. Where's Dez?" Zoey hedged.

"Eli took her to some 'secret place' with her car. She's not back yet." I replied.

"Alright, I'll take you home." Drew decided.

"But-" I started.

"Like you don't want to ride with Adam. It will make your whole day." Drew joked as we left together.

(Alli)

"You're awfully smiley." I commented as Sav walked in the door.

"Where's mom and dad?" He asked.

"They went out." I replied, looking skeptically at him. "Now tell me why you're so happy."

"I met a girl, that's it." He lied, looking over at the dining room. "Wow, I'm hungry."

"What girl?" I pressed, following him into the kitchen.

"A new one." He said with a shrug.

"Who? Dez? Aimee? Zoey?" I questioned, sitting up on the counter. "Don't say it's Dez, she has enough boy drama."

"It's not Dez." He agreed. Evidently he already knew about her and Drew. When we were together, Drew always randomly brought her up.

"Okay, so it was Aimee or Zoey?" I guessed. He nodded and I thought. "Zoey?" His expression immediately turned to stone. "No way! Sav, that's perfect!"

"How is that perfect?" He asked skeptically.

"We're friends!" I clued in with a grin. "If you got married, we could be sisters!"

"Calm down! I just met her." He reminded, his cheeks turning slightly pink.

-commercial

(Zoey)

When Drew pulled into the driveway, he noticed no one was home and turned to look at me.

"Should I wait with you until Dez gets back?" He suggested, noticing the rebellious look flash in my eyes. "Not that you need me to or anything. Just, you still seem a bit shaken up about what happened with Owen."

"I'm okay. I'll call if I decide I don't want to be alone." I replied as thunder boomed around us. "I better get inside."

"Call if you need me.' He repeated, watching me leave with a worried expression.

I locked the front door behind me and let out a sigh. Dez's parents were still gone another few weeks and Desirae was out with Eli. I glanced around the darkened main floor and felt a shudder roll through me as the thunder increased in volume. I thought of what happened by the lockers and my eyes grew wet. Everyone always wants my body, never what's inside. I don't see what they do; I've never thought of myself as hot or anything like that, so what makes me stand out so much?

I set down my bag and took of my shoes and jacket before going into the kitchen for a drink. I grabbed a water out of the fridge, eying the steak knives a long moment before I left the room, a tear falling down my cheek and kissing my jawbone. I went upstairs and changed before finding the razors Dez's dad has for picking stickers off of cars. I took it to the door at the end of the upstairs hallway that lead to the roof-Dez's thinking place. Regardless of the pouring rain, I went out on the roof and sat, hugging my knees and staring numbly at the razors in front of me.

All these thoughts kept racing through my mind, I couldn't think straight. All I could see was the hungry rage in Owen's eyes, and how paralyzed by fear I was. Tears streamed down my face, mixed with the rain. I just couldn't handle everything at once. I'm not that strong. I let out a shuddering sigh and grabbed the box, pulling out a razor as thunder echoed around me. There was no other way to let everything out, who'd understand me anyway? I winced as the blade connected with my skin, relieving the unbearable pain in my chest.

(Dez)

"It's even more beautiful when it's pouring." I commented, boredly watching the windshield wipers go back and forth.

"I just don't know how we're going to do this whole closure thing." He replied, searching my face. "There's so much I still don't know about you, Desirae."

"One project at a time, Eli." I teased, playfully hitting his arm. It was quiet for a long moment while we each got lost in our own thoughts. After awhile, I broke the silence. "We never talked about that kiss, did we?"

"I don't know how to explain it." He admitted, his eyes thoughtful. "I just…if I didn't make it, I'd last forever not knowing what it would be like, how things could've been."

"So did your questions get answered?" I asked. His eyes searched mine and we both bridged the gap, our faces inches away. But, something held us back. Maybe our past, maybe our pain, but it was definitely something.

"One day." Eli whispered, resting his forehead against mine.

(Adam)

"So, you and Aimee, huh?" Drew teased, sitting on the edge of my bed.

"What about her?" I hedged, sucking in my bottom lip.

"You two totally have a thing going." He commented with a grin. "So, what are you waiting for?"

"In time I'll ask her out. First, I have to be the loving best friend." I clued in, playing with one of my pillows.

"Wait, you mean you've actually thought everything out?" He asked, eyes wide.

"Well, yeah. It's called being sweet." I clued in, rolling my eyes and throwing the pillow at him.

"Sometimes you're a better guy than I am." Drew commented, shaking his head and looking at me. "Does…does Aimee know?"

"No…I'm not sure how to fit it into my 'plan' either." I admitted with a sigh. "It hasn't exactly made girls stick around before." Drew only glanced down at his phone, wide-eyed. "Are you even listening?"

"It's Zoey." He mumbled, slowly shaking his head and getting up. "I knew I shouldn't of left her there alone."

-commercial

(Dez)

"We'll be okay, I promise." I vowed, patting Eli's knee. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

"You sure will." He replied with a half-smile.

"So, you promised we'd finish the story." I reminded with a small smile. "And I could swear you mentioned starting on the typing!"

"I said nothing about typing." He argued, his eyes sparkling.

"Please?" I asked with a playful pout. "After all, you DID kidnap me."

"Fair enough." He caved as I started my car, "But, the rest of the story's at your house, remember?"

"Then we'll stop and get it." I resolved, smirking over at him." You're not getting out of this."

"You sure are stubborn." Eli teased, half-smiling at me as I headed for my house. It was a quiet ride there as the two of us became lost in our own thoughts. Once I pulled up to my house, I glanced over at him. "You can come in with me if you want." He nodded and got out, walking with me inside.

"Aren't your parents home?" He asked with a confused expression.

"Not for a few more weeks." I replied, gesturing for him to follow me upstairs. In the upstairs hallway, I noticed the door to the roof hanging open. "Zoey?" Eli and I exchanged a look before I timidly opened the outer door to the roof, finding Zoey staring dully at a series of fresh bloody cuts on her left wrist. "Oh my gosh! Why'd you do this?" I asked, grabbing my phone and going inside to text Drew and find a towel. Why would Zoey do that to herself? I couldn't wrap my head around it.


	9. Chapter 9

Break Me Down

Chapter/Episode Nine : These Are The Nights

(Drew)

"What happened?" Adam asked as I frantically slipped on my shoes and jacket.

"Zoey did something-to herself." I tried to explain. "Do you have Aimee's number? I don't think she knows."

"I don't even know!" He pointed out, putting on his shoes and putting his phone to his ear. "Aim, hey. Zoey did something after Drew dropped her off." He paused, looking for a coat while she spoke. "I don't know yet, Drew and I are heading over. Do you need a ride?" He waited again, helping me find my keys. "Alright, see you soon."

"Aimee need a ride?" I guessed, finally finding my keys; Adam nodded and we headed out the door. When we got to Aimee's, she looked like a worried mother that had just lost her child or something.

"I hope she's okay." Aimee said, getting in the back.

"I hope you're okay." Adam commented, giving her a weary look as I set off to Dez's house. Before the car was even parked, Aimee rushed out and barged in through the front door. Adam shook his head and followed, having the decency to knock. Eli let him in and I raised an eyebrow. Why was he here?

-intro credits

When I came in, Dez hugged me out of the blue. Wow, she must be really worried about Zoey.

"How is she?" I asked once she pulled away.

"I don't know why she did it, Drew." Dez admitted, chewing on her bottom lip. "Did something happen?"

"You didn't hear about what happened after school?" Aimee challenged, coming back from the upstairs.

"Something happened?" Dez exclaimed. "Why didn't anyone tell me?"

"You were exploring Eli's 'secret place'." Aimee pointed out, searching around for something in the bathroom.

"This isn't a time to joke around." Eli said icily.

"He's right." I agreed, regardless of the distrustful look he shot at me when I said so.

"I'm worried about her." Dez commented, sitting on the couch and putting her face in her hands. I didn't know what to do, how I could help her; I looked to Adam for help and he just shrugged, a sympathetic smile on his face.

"Let's go see her." Eli said, offering her his hand, his eyes endearing. What was going on between those two?

(Desirae)

"Hey Zo…" I greeted, timidly coming out onto the roof with Eli. She glanced up dully at me before looking ahead once more. Eli and I sat on each side of her and she let out a small sigh.

"Can I see?" Eli asked, looking into her eyes somehow without sympathy, just friendliness. She looked at him with a shocked expression before taking the towel Aimee had given her off of her arm and showing Eli. "Not too deep?" He asked, gently taking her arm in his hands to get a better look.

"I don't know, I felt so numb…" Zoey trailed off, her voice raspy.

"It's hard to tell." Eli agreed, dabbing lightly at the cuts with a towel. I raised an eyebrow at him and he smiled slightly. "I used to."

"Really?" Zoey challenged as he helped her up.

"I'm not saying I'm proud of it." Eli added, helping her through the roof door before doing the same for me. "But right now, you should shower and get into something warm before you get sick." Zoey nodded and went into our room to get clothes while I turned to Eli.

"I had no idea." I commented, looking into his eyes a long moment in the poorly lit hallway.

"There's a lot you still don't know." He agreed, gently moving a stray piece of hair out of my eyes. "But, I'm willing to tell you."

(Zoey)

I took a cold shower-I usually hate them but somehow, I needed the chill. It felt like the rain earlier and I found it oddly comforting. I watched the way the water streamed across my cuts with pained interest. I didn't think anyone would understand, could understand. But somehow, Eli did. Dez used to cut-gosh, they were almost too perfect. When would I find someone like that?

I changed into some black short shorts and a maroon tank top before scrunching my hair a little and trying to decide what to do with the cuts when Drew came in.

"Hey Zoey." He greeted, smiling anxiously and glancing at my arm.

"I don't know what to do now." I confessed as tears welled up in my eyes.

"Let's clean 'em out." Drew suggested, grabbing peroxide and some cotton balls while I sat up on the counter. "You wanna talk about why you did it?"

"I don't know if you'd get it." I argued, wincing as he started in on cleaning them.

"Hey, you don't know that." He pointed out with a slight smile.

"I guess so." I allowed, wincing again and involuntarily squeezing his shoulder. He smirked sympathetically, finishing up and starting to wrap my arm.

"It will be okay. Just, promise you won't do this again." He instructed, looking meaningfully into my eyes. "Please?"

"I…" I trailed off, my eyes watering for the millionth time today. The new caring look that came into his eyes afterwards just made me lose it. I started sobbing and Drew just held me there while I did.

-commercial

(Eli)

"Heh, how long has she been out?" I asked, noticing Aimee fast asleep beside Adam on the couch.

"Who knows." Adam replied, smiling and running his hands through her hair.

"Zoey's been through a lot tonight-maybe you should just take Aimee home." Desirae suggested, looking over at me a moment. Adam looked to me and I shrugged.

"Zoey needs some rest." I agreed, nodding and smirking at Dez.

"Tell Drew I took the car if I'm not back yet." Adam said, unlocking the car and starting it with his car keys before opening the door and gingerly picking up Aimee. I got the door and made sure he got her in before I returned inside.

"They're so cute." Desirae commented, sitting on the couch and smiling over at me.

"Cute?" I repeated, raising an eyebrow at her. "Aimee doesn't know."

"How does that change anything?" She challenged.

"It could change everything." I pointed out calmly.

"It won't." She said stubbornly. I rolled my eyes-this clearly wasn't going anywhere. I sat beside her and she sighed, putting her face in her hands. "Eli, how do I help her?"

"You don't." I snapped, pausing to calm my voice. "Sympathy doesn't help, it makes it worse."

"So?" She asked, peeking up at me.

"Let her deal." I clued in, wrapping my arm around her. She groaned and rested her head on my shoulder.

"I hate not being able to do anything." She muttered as Drew and Zoey came downstairs.

"I'm starving." Zoey commented, skipping into the kitchen as if nothing was wrong.

"I think she's trying to forget it ever happened." Drew mused, completely in awe.

"Then let her!" Drew hissed, taking a seat on the other side of Desirae.

"Pizza rolls anyone?" Zoey called from the kitchen.

"Sure, why not." Eli replied; I slapped him in the arm. "What?"


	10. Chapter 10

Break Me Down

Chapter/Episode Ten: Jump Then Fall

(Adam)

"Okay I'm gonna tell her." I said, nodding at my reflection. "I can do this."

"Before the party? Drew asked, coming in and fixing his hair.

"For sure." I replied, my voice far less confident than I'd wanted it to be.

"It's in two days." He added, shooting me a doubtful look.

"I'll do it!" I snapped, picking up my phone. "I'll do it now."

"Over the phone? Are you insane?" He questioned.

"Maybe." I allowed, swallowing hard. The Halloween party was only two short days away-I hadn't even asked Aimee to go with me yet.

-intro credits

(Zoey)

"Eli's coming at four." Dez clued in, fixing her hair and looking over at me. "Maybe you could invite Sav or Drew and tag along."

"They're just friends." I argued, laying back on the bed. "besides, I know Eli would rather be alone with you."

"Zo!" She scolded, pulling me up. "Come on, go to the movie with us. Have some fun!"

"Fine." I muttered, getting up and looking for something to wear. "But I'm taking Drew."

"Why not Sav?" She pressed.

"We…it's different." I hedged, feeling my cheeks flush.

(Alli)

"Yeah, I'd love to come." Sav exclaimed, all smiles. I raised an eyebrow as he went on. "No way, she'll love it!"

"Who are you talking to?" I asked, watching him practically glow. "Oh, it's about Zoey, isn't it?"

"Yeah! I haven't seen Eli in a while." He went on, "Sounds good! Later, Dez."

"Hot date with Zoey?" I assumed.

"Shut up." He muttered, smiling and going up to his room. Just then, my phone rang.

"Hey Alli, it's Drew." Drew greeted, sounding anxious. My heart about fell to the floor. "Alli?"

"Why are you calling me?" I managed to sputter out.

"Uh…wanna see a movie tonight? It's a group date kind of thing I guess…" He trailed off.

"You have a girlfriend." I reminded, rolling my eyes. "So why don't you ask Bianca?"

"Alli, we broke up." He clued in.

"So I'm second best." I mumbled.

"Please?" He pressed, "Zoey already has Sav."

"I knew it." I nodded, fighting back tears. "Bye, Drew."

"Sav, take me to Clare's!" I yelled up the stairs before slipping my shoes on.

-commercial

(Eli)

I was just finished getting ready when Cece came in.

"Honey, you look so handsome!" She gushed.

"Come on, mom." I groaned as she fussed over me. "I'm just going on a simple group date to the movies."

"I'm just so glad you're happy." She explained, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear…the one I'd got pierced with Clare just last year. So much has changed since that first date with her.

"I got to get Desirae now, I love you." I said, hugging her and grabbing my keys.

"Drive safe, Eli!" She called after me.

(Clare)

I was looking over some English projects from last year Eli had helped me with when there was a rapid knocking at the door. Mom was in the shower, so I came downstairs to answer it.

"Clare! We NEED girl time." Allie exclaimed, letting herself in.

"Um, okay…what's going on?" I asked, sitting on the couch.

"Drew! He's so confusing." She began, sitting beside me and heaving a sigh. "He asked me to go to the movies with him tonight."

"I thought he was with-" I started.

"I know, so did I!" She interrupted, "I guess they broke up. So, he asked me ONLY because Zoey was already going with Sav!"

"What? I'm confused." I said, raising an eyebrow. "Why was Zoey going? Is it a group date or something?"

"I guess. I mean, when Dez called Sav he was talking about seeing Eli." She clued in.

"Eli?" I repeated, feeling my heart pang at the thought of him and her. I've seen them around, and it feels the same then. I guess Eli's idea of 'space' is falling for Dez and leaving me in the dust.

"Clare, don't tell me you still have feelings for him." Alli stated, looking at me sternly.

"It's just as bas as you wanting Drew again." I pointed out defensively.

"But, I'm only a last resort…." She trailed off, tears welling in her eyes.

"Then he doesn't deserve you." I said, patting her knee and smiling assuringly.

(Aimee)

I was watching TV in my sweats and an old hoodie when my phone rang. I glanced at it boredly and nearly fell out of the chair when I saw it was from Adam.

"Hello?" I answered, turning down the TV.

"Hey Aim." He greeted eagerly. "So, I guess we're going on a big group date tonight. I was wondering…will you be my date?"

"I'd love to!" I replied, playing with the string of my hoodie. "When?"

"We'll be there in about twenty minutes. Is that enough time?" he asked.

"Oh sure!" I lied, hopping up and already starting to race around the house, grabbing things here and there as I went. "See you soon?"

"For sure." He agreed before handing up.

"Oh, gosh." I breathed, hoping I could get ready in time.

-commercial

(Dez)

"I can't believe that scared you." Eli commented, wrapping his arm around me. "I took you for a brave horror watcher."

"Usually." I allowed, "It's pretty realistic if it can make me jump."

"The special effects were pretty sweet." Sav added, wrapping an arm around Zoey.

"I'll say." Eli agreed as we left the theater.

"What now?" Aimee asked, threading her fingers through Adam's.

"How about the beach?" I suggested. "We could walk along it…?"

"Yeah, couple off." Eli agreed, winking at me and smiling slightly.

"I'm in." Adam said; Zoey and Sav nodded and Aimee shrugged.

(Alli)

"I guess you're right." I allowed with a half-hearted smile, "But it is bad that I want him back?"

"That's totally normal." Clare commented, stifling a yawn. "I have History homework. See you at school tomorrow…don't do anything wreckless between now and then."

"I'll try not to." I said, rolling my eyes and getting up.

"Do you have a ride?" She asked, mother-like concern on her face.

"Yep, night Clare." I replied, hugging her and texting Drew. Regardless of what Clare had said earlier, I needed to talk to him and make sure he was okay.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter/Episode Eleven::You're Killing Me

(Zoey)

"Hey Zoey!" Sav greeted, pulling me into a hug. The Halloween party was tonight and I told Drew I'd go with him to make up for the movie date; which went surprisingly well.

"Sav!" I replied, taking in the smell of his cologne and smiling contently. He gave such great hugs, too.

"So, this part tonight…you going?" He asked, eyes sparkling.

"Who wants to know?" I teased as he pulled away.

"Me." He replied with an anxious smile. "Be my date?" I grinned and he pulled me into another hug.

(Adam)

"You haven't told Aimee yet?" Drew gaped.

"I never got a chance to!" I groaned, fixing my costume make-up. "I'll tell her tonight. I just-are you even listening?"

"No, I understand…" Drew trailed off, hanging up his phone and sighing. "You didn't promise or anything."

"Um…what's going on?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Nothing." He lied, sighing and looking over at me. "Sorry bro, what were you saying?"

"I'll tell Aimee tonight." I clued in, raising an eyebrow at him. "Zoey bail again?"

"Yeah. I should've seen it coming." Drew muttered, grabbing his keys. "Let's go."

(Alli)

"Clare, we're going to be late!" I whined, adjusting the strap on my bag.

"Five minutes, I swear!" She called down the stairs.

"We don't have five minutes!" I argued as my phone buzzed in my pocket-it was Drew. "Hello?"

"Alli I don't know what to do." Drew said, sounding desperate. "Nothing's working out for me. Everyone keeps walking out on me."

"I won't." I vowed, hanging up as Clare came down.

"Who was that?" She asked as we headed out.

"Sav." I lied with a shrug.

(Dez)

"Wow, this is going to be amazing!" Aimee exclaimed as she, Zoey, and I got to the party.

"These costumes are awesome." Zoey mused, scanning the room for Sav.

"Dez?" I heard someone ask into my ear-it was Eli, without a doubt. I jumped a little and I heard him chuckle softly.

"Nice fangs." I teased, turning to face him. He was dressed as a vampire-I was a dark version of Alice.

"Wow, who did your make up?" He asked, smirking at me.

"Why, is it bad?" I replied, feeling a bit self conscious.

"No, it's awesome." He assured me, taking my hand and going back over to Aimee and Zoey. "Find your men yet?"

"I certainly have, Edward." Aimee joked, arm and arm with a very zombified Adam. She was an undead bride.

"Me to." Zoey said, grinning. She was Marilyn Monroe and Sav was Elvis.

"Then let's go, Alive." Eli said, leading me to the dance floor.

"I didn't think you danced." I commented, wrapping my arms around his neck.

"You also didn't think I could skip rocks." He pointed out, smirking at the mention of the beach last night.

"You barely can." I joked.

(Adam)

Aimee and I were talking outside on a bench. My heart was racing a mile a minute. How could I tell her? How would she react? Would it change how we were?

"Adam, are you listening?" She asked, waving her hand in front of my face.

"Yeah, I just…have something on my mind." I tried to explain.

"Want to talk about it?" She asked, eyes anxious. Somehow, I guessed she could tell it had something to do with her.

"I'm…transgender." I said, anxiously watching her reaction.

-commercial

(Zoey)

"You look great." Sav complimented. We were drinking punch in one of the back rooms, away from the party. "Why the long gloves?"

"I thought they were cute." I lied with a shrug, taking a drink of my punch.

"Yeah?" Sav replied, smiling and accepting my answer. I nodded and he smirked in approval as a couple came in, making out and already helping each other out of their clothes. "Woah!" He spilled his punch on my glove as the couple noticed us and went to find a new room. "Oh…sorry about your glove."

"It's fine." I said, noticing the fresh red punch stain.

"You can just take it off, Zo." He pointed out.

"No, that's okay." I said, putting my hands in my lap.

"Zoey?" He pressed, grabbing my hand and removing the glove, revealing the cuts on my wrist. "Please tell me that's costume paint."

(Eli)

After a few dances, I went to get Dez a drink. Once I got to the drink table, I saw Clare.

"Eli? We should talk." She said, her eyes wide and full of emotion.

"You-I thought you wanted space." I reminded, raising an eyebrow at her.

"Please?" She pressed, resting a hand on my arm. I sighed and followed her outside into the backyard. "I don't get it, Eli."

"Get what?" I challenged.

"Suddenly you're with Dez?" She exclaimed, tears welling in her eyes. "I ask for space and you completely move on? Don't you still care?"

"Of course I do." I snapped, "I didn't mean to move on, it just happened!"

"I thought you loved me!" She yelled.

"I still do! That's not about to change anytime soon." I reminded, raising an eyebrow at her. "Where is this coming from?"

"My heart, Eli!" She whimpered, pulling me into a hug.

(Adam)

"So you…" Aimee trailed off, shaking her head and smiling. "Why didn't you just tell me?"

"I didn't know what you'd think. And I…I cared about you too much to want to risk losing you." I explained, looking into her eyes.

"Losing me?" She repeated, lacing her fingers through mine. "You're not about to lose me, Adam. I'm not that easy to scare off."

(Zoey)

"It's not costume paint." I said, quietly looking away from him and swallowing hard.

"I don't get it…I didn't see any of these at the beach." Sav commented, searching my face.

"I'm good at hiding them." I mumbled, looking into his eyes a moment before looking back to my knees.

"How long have you been doing this?" He asked anxiously, care and concern all over his face.

"Since that day at school." I clued in, the corner of my mouth twitching, "When you saved me from Owen, or whatever his name is."

"Is he why you did it?" Sav pressed.

"Partly." I replied, surprised at how well he was taking this all in.

"Gosh Zoey, I'm sorry." He said honestly, handing me my glove. "But…I want to help you through this."

(Alli)

When we got to the party, I searched through the crowds for Drew. He definitely wasn't doing too well. Eventually, I found him and told Clare to get us drinks.

"Drew, what's going on?" I asked, finding him outside on the tire swing. "It must be good. You never come to me for anything."

"Alli, do you know how it feels?" He challenged, ignoring my question. I raised an eyebrow and he went on. "To really like someone, yet be rejected and blown off constantly?" My thoughts went to Johnny, and I nodded. "It sucks, big. And B and I broke up because she couldn't settle…I just have all bad and no good right now."


End file.
